Me Too

"For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible."-Anonymous

Sexual assault is an interesting thing. It can show up in the form of rape, of someone in a position of power using their power to force another person to do things that they would really prefer not to do. Or it could show up in the form of a babysitter, thirteen years old, telling the eight year old girl that she's babysitting to do things that the eight year old doesn't really understand, and maybe the thirteen year old didn't actually realize that what she was doing, was something that she actually should not have been doing. 

When I was eight years old, my babysitter had me participate in things that I'm not going to describe. It only happened one time, and that person continued to be my babysitter for several years. I don't know if she remembers it, and we've never talked about it, but we are friends now, which probably seems really twisted, but right after it happened, I told my Mom and my Grandma about it, but then I never talked about it again, and I actually forgot about it, until earlier this year. I think maybe my Mom and my Grandma may have forgotten about it too. Anyways, we are friends now, and I don't really connect the person she is now, with the person that had me do that back then, and if she doesn't remember it, if she doesn't know that this post is about her, then I don't think it will ever be necessary for me to ever bring it up to her. I just want to move past it. It's interesting though, because when you think of sexual assault, usually there's an obvious villain, a rapist, a pedophile, someone in power abusing someone not in power, but in circumstances like the one I just described, there is no villain, at least not from my perspective. It happened one time, and then never again, so I think maybe it bothered her at least as much as it bothered me, if not more so. So it definitely might not be the type of thing that someone would normally think constitutes sexual assault, but according to my dictionary, it fits, because while I don't actually remember if I actually consented to anything, I do know that at eight years old I wasn't legally old enough to consent to anything, even if I did say yes to something. 

So...yeah. This is my story. This is one of many things I'm working through right now. I've survived a lot of things, and I'll survive this too.

Hidden Doors....

"You never know which door will lead you towards your dreams, until you have the courage to walk through it."- Anonymous


My responsibilities at work are many and varied. Today I found a hidden door. I did some asking around and found out that it's the door to the cellar...maybe the cellar goes to Narnia....