Thoughts and Stuff

A year ago today, I had just found out that I was going to be serving in the United Kingdom this year, I had just officially met almost everyone in the YAGM United Kingdom group, and I was standing by a pond discussing The Chronicles of Narnia with Grace, who I had just met. It was our first conversation ever, and it was actually before either of us knew that we were both going to be living in Manchester this year. We then left the pond, got taken to whichever airport we were flying out of, I got on a plane back to Montana and started the process of trying to figure out what this year was going to mean for me, personally.

I'm not really sure when I decided that I was going to learn how to be more vulnerable this year, but that has been happening. Tomorrow marks eight months since I arrived here, and it's been great. I've made friends, and learned new things, and I've been opening up, mostly with my YAGM United Kingdom cohort, about things like depression and things. Homesickness has never really been an issue for me. I mean, sure, I miss the people and places that I am familiar with, but I know that I am going to see them again, and return to them eventually, so it's not a big issue. However, most of you know that my Mom has been recently diagnosed with cancer, so I am feeling kind of torn at the moment. I know that it's not practical to feel guilty, I know that she has a good support system at home and I know that I will be back home in three months from today, on July 23rd, but it is hard being so far away from home right now. But I have faith that everything is going to turn out okay. 

Vulnerability is an interesting experience. It's scary, and I still am not very good at it, in situations where I am supposed to share my feelings I am usually one of the last ones, if not THE last one to do so, but I also have less secrets, which is freeing. Going home is going to be interesting. I am the same in a lot of ways, but I am also different in a lot of ways, so we'll see how that plays out. A year ago today I could not even begin to imagine what my life here was going to look like, and here I am with three months left. So if you need be, I'll be over here in Manchester, keeping things interesting :) 

Easter

Easter is one of my favorite times of year. Jesus risen from the dead! We get to say "Alleluia!" again. We get to sing happy songs again. We get to do the things that we gave up for Lent again. And....chocolate for days! And bright colors. And flowers. And also bunnies. And spring time. Easter gives me hope. It's important. And Jesus rising from the dead is kind of a big deal :)

Jesus

I find Jesus fascinating. I find some of the things that some people do in the name of Christianity totally hypocritical. Jesus died for our sins. Jesus was friends with everyone. He was friends with tax collectors, and prostitutes, and other kinds of people. I can't say for sure, but I am pretty sure that Jesus wasn't caucasian, he was Jewish, and he was also like, "Love your neighbors as yourself." And I am pretty sure that referred to ALL the neighbors, not just "certain neighbors", but ALL the neighbors. I try to lead a life worthy of following Jesus. I fail more than I succeed, but someday, maybe, I'll get there.

Life

Life is a beautiful, chaotic mystery. It is amazing and sometimes it tears me apart. It is a contradiction. Sometimes it makes sense. Most of the time it doesn't make sense. There is a difference between living and existing. I choose to LIVE.

A Well-Read Woman is a Dangerous Creature

Reading is very important to me. I love reading books. All kinds of books. Fantasy. Sci-Fi. Historical Fiction. I'm not much for non-fiction, but sometimes I come across non-fiction that doesn't bore me. There are so many great books out there, and I am not sure I am going to live long enough to read all of the books on my list, but I'm going to try :)

"One must always be careful of books and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us."-Cassandra Clare

"When Words Fail, Music Speaks"-Shakespeare

Music is incredibly important to my life. I don't usually talk about how important music is to my life, but I have playlists for pretty much everything. I love songs with meaningful lyrics. I like upbeat songs. Sad songs. Love songs. Songs about betrayal. Losing someone you love. Basically, anything. Music without words. Classical music. Celtic music has a certain pull on my heart. Music has been around forever. When I was growing up, there was a song that we used to sing in church sometimes, called "When Long before Time (The Singer and the Song)". When I was older, and finally got around to reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis, there was a section, in "The Magician's Nephew", when Aslan literally sang Narnia into existence, and when I was reading that, I immediately thought of "When Long before Time". I also love playing the piano, it is always calming to me. Music is relevant in all situations, and one of my favorite quotes, which, I don't know who to attribute it to, but it goes, "Music is life, that's why our hearts have beats."


 When Long before Time (The Singer and the Song)


1. When long before time and the worlds were begun,
when there was no earth and no sky and no sun,
and all was deep silence and night reigned supreme,
and even our Maker had only a dream...

2. ...the silence was broken when God sang the Song,
and light pierced the darkness and rhythm began,
and with its first birthcries creation was born,
and creaturely voices sang praise to the morn.

3. The sounds of the creatures were one with their Lord's,
their harmonies sweet and befitting the Word;
the Singer was pleased as the earth sang the song;
the choir of the creatures reechoed it long.

4. Though, down through the ages, the Song disappeared,
its harmonies broken and almost unheard,
the Singer comes to us to sing it again:
our God is with us in the world now as then.

5. The Light has returned as it came once before;
the Song of the Lord is our own song once more;
so let us all sing with one heart and one voice
the song of the Singer in whom we rejoice.

6. To you, God the Singer, our voices we raise;
to you, Song Incarnate, we give all our praise;
to you, Holy Spirit, our life and our breath,
be glory forever, through life and through death.

Sami

I have known my other friend Sami since sometime in high school. We had some classes together, and we became friends. We didn't spend a lot of time together outside of school, but one day I did spend most of a day at her house. We haven't seen each other since high school, but we still talk on Facebook quite a bit, and we WILL see each other again someday.