Yesterday my Nuns moved back to the Convent of the Holy Name in Derby (Pronounced Darby. British English does spelling weird sometimes.) We found out a couple of months ago that it was going to be happening, but it was still hard to say goodbye to them yesterday morning, even though I am going to go see them in Derby before I leave. It was hard to go back home last night, knowing that the house would be empty, knowing that neither one of my Nuns would not be in the kitchen cooking or otherwise puttering around when I got home, to ask me about my day, and commenting on how they think that I am overworked :) Knowing that they wouldn't be in the TV room, watching the news, or in the sitting room with visitors, or in their Chapel, praying, or wandering about upstairs in their rooms. It was lonely last night, and it was lonely this morning, when I was heading out the door and they weren't in their chapel praying, or sitting at the kitchen table telling me to have a good day as I grabbed an apple and ran out the door. I don't usually mind having alone time, being an introvert, I often need alone time after being around groups of people. However, it is nice knowing that other people are around, if I need them, or if they need me. There's a difference in being alone in your room, but sharing a house with other people, then there is in the aloneness that comes from being completely alone. However, I may or may not have mentioned before that there are ghosts that live in my house. Two of them, named Esther and Edna. I can't see them, but I hear them in the upstairs hallway, talking about matching hand towels, but last night, when I was getting ready for bed, I overheard a very different conversation between the two of them. At least, I'm pretty sure it was them. The voices sounded the same, but maybe there are other ghosts that I didn't notice before.
"The Sisters are gone."
"Yes."
"That's sad. They were nice."
"Maybe we should work out moving on."
"Yes. When the girl goes, we'll go."
By the way, I think I'm the girl :) Anytime I've tried to engage them in conversation, including last night, I have gotten no response, which is sad, because I want to know more about them, such as, why they are in my upstairs hallway discussing the importance of matching hand towels all the time? I think the Sisters leaving caused a shift, or something, leading to this new conversation. We'll see what happens.
Also, in just less than six weeks. I will be flying home. In some areas, I know exactly what will be happening in my life. I have a pretty solid idea of where I will be working when I get home. I now know exactly what I want to do with my future. I know how I want to make it happen. However, there is one unknown variable. When I get home, I'll be helping my Mom in her fight against cancer. I don't know exactly what that's going to look like, it's going to be different every day, I've never done this before, and I don't know what the outcome will be. Right now, being 4,000 and something miles away, it doesn't quite feel as real. But in a few weeks, I'm going to be thrown right into it, and it's going to be REAL, and I am not going to know exactly what to do. And that is a terrifying place. I'm probably going to be very vulnerable, which is still sometimes hard for me, but something I've been working on this year. So in that respect, I don't know what the next few months, or even years, are going to look like, but I am accepting the challenge. I'm just going to have to trust that, one way or another, we're all going to come out okay on the other side of this.
